Posted by: gdevi | February 14, 2011

“I am living a teenage nightmare”

I have to confess that I did not know 99% of the musicians and songs nominated or performed at this year’s Grammys. (Dayani did.) But we watch Grammys every year, because, well, you have to. I really liked the tribute to Aretha Franklin by all these young women singers; Florence Welch has a beautiful, powerful, feminine voice. I have never seen Lady Gaga perform and I can admit here that if I swung my head around like that it would take me at least five minutes to regain my balance; she did it the next second. It was incredible. She also grabbed her crotch like Michael Jackson used to do. Amazing. I liked Lady Gaga’s shoulder; it stuck up like the bone was broken. Also there were these other things that stuck out of her forehead. Is she a cyborg? “Don’t be a drag; be a Queen,” Lady Gaga tells you. Listen kids. She had a prosthetic butt or maybe it was molded plastic or leather stuck on her regular butt. I have never seen anything like it except in footage of Mardi Gras.  I didn’t like Miranda Lambert’s song at all, I didn’t like her voice either; sort of weak. But I liked how she looked; she looks well-fed and healthy.  It is so refreshing to see a busty woman on television these days. I liked the English group Muse; they played like a rock group and I liked the graphics for the song as well. Janelle Monae reminded me of a cross between Grace Jones and James Brown; her song was not memorable, but she did fall into the mosh pit.( I don’t think Grammys should invite Justin Bieber and Will Smith’s son etc to play on stage.  Bad idea. They really drive home the point that most of this show is one big party for kids. )

There were two groups of young musicians that sang very beautifully that I heard for the first time — Avett Brothers and Mumford and Sons — I liked their songs quite a bit, and they played with Bob Dylan. That was beautiful. (In between there was an HP commercial that I strongly believe has ripped off “Walk on the Wild Side.”) The radio stations here play Lady Antebellum all the time and their song “I Need You Now” so I knew this song–it is an incredible song–both the man and the woman are completely drunk and they need each other. Usually when someone is drunk, they call someone who is not drunk. But not Antebellum. It is an incredible song and it won best country record or song of the year or something, I think. (What? This stupid song? Dayani asked. Not Eminem?)  (I think David Letterman’s category confusion was correct; I am totally confused as to these distinctions.) I am convinced that Gwyneth Paltrow has a great career as a singer; she sang with this strange man Cee Lo Green who looked like he was at the Mardi Gras with the muppets. ( I love that movie with Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis —Duets; Paltrow sang all the songs herself I think.) On the subject of busty women, we were again delighted to see how healthy Katy Perry looked; she looked like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz on steroids. Dayani kept shushing me when the piece de resistance appeared on screen; Rihanna, Eminem and Dr. Dre — it is probably because I am an English teacher — I just could not understand a single word that Eminem spat into the microphone and I swear I heard Rihanna say “I want to be massacred.” [ Shhh, muuummm!!!! Big warning from Dayani.]  I used this time to fold laundry, regretfully admitting to myself that the time when Grammys spoke to me was a thing of the past. I mean I saw Nicole Kidman singing along with Katy Perry “I’m Living a Teenage Dream.” Really? You are? Really?

All this nonsense was momentarily redeemed when Mick Jagger jumping jack-flashed on to the stage–Everybody needs somebody–look at him, Dayani, we told her, look at him. He is singing to people who are the age of his grandchildren and see they are stunned. This is the man who has dodged all the bullets life has sent his way–alcohol, drugs, AIDS, whatever– and still is the consummate artist, a child of god or whatever power you believe in. He inhabits a very very special place. You should all stand up and clap and then go home.

I told Dayani to go to bed when Rihanna and Drake demonstrated what they think tribals do in the forest — have writhing sex in sequins. Lady Antebellum then won another award for record of the year. Amazing; from Volare to I Need You Now. From the sublime to the ridiculous.

I liked the two songs by the group that won the album of the year — Arcade Fire.  Their drummer looked like she was pounding the life out of Los Angeles! For every wanna-be teenager, there is the real kid who welcomes the flowering of wisdom.

Anyway, happy valentine’s day to y’all!

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